Being Unique

Children deal with new challenges in so many ways and why wouldn’t they? They are all unique and individual and therefore will respond to any situation in a way that is bespoke to them.

I’m a parent of non-identical twin boys and as you’d expect when they were young, they followed the same routine. Their daily activities largely mirrored each other and subsequently they’ve shared many life events at the same time. However, their thoughts and responses differed hugely resulting in their behaviour and needs being very different.

When talking to them I have never referred to them as twins. I never dressed them the same or assumed they wanted to do the same things. However, many people who have come into our lives through schooling and children’s activities have tried to label them as ‘the twins’. In the early days of their school life, I had to request that the school did not refer to them as twins to their faces. Both boys had come home offended to been spoken to as a package, or two halves of a whole. One even said to me, “I have a name”. They effectively were no different than two brothers born 9 months apart, or 3 years apart, they just shared space in my womb at the same time. I could share many occasions where their individuality has been lost on people because all they have seem were twins. Assumptions were made and their right for individuality was often not considered.

Here is the amazing thing - There is only one version of you and one version of me! We are all unique and individual and should in every situation be treated that way. When a child is upset, scared, or nervous their feelings shouldn’t be brushed to one side as if they don’t matter. The feelings they are experiencing are real to them and they are responding to the situation based on their life experiences. As a parent or guardian, we can’t expect children to respond in the same way that we do. Why would they? We’ve had different life experiences and have developed better coping strategies to deal with many situations.

So, the next time your little human demonstrates reluctance to do something, or becomes apprehensive when trying a new activity, don’t brush their feelings off. Talk to them about how they are feeling. Name the emotion and validate it. Help them overcome the challenging event by being empathetic.

3rd December 2022