Parent Pressure

Over the years I have seen and heard so many parents try to help their children in all areas of their life. That’s what a good parent does - right?

However, consider this – rather than helping a child, you could be harming them. It’s a scary thought isn’t it.

I’ve taught martial arts for a long time and worked with children in one capacity or another all my adult life. Over the decades I have heard many parents say harmful rather than helpful things.

When a child is learning a new skill and they are finding it tricky it pains me to hear a parent saying things like this: “Johnny, your hands were all over the place’. or “You kept moving the wrong foot’ or “Your punches could have been stronger.”

I am all for providing children with constructive feedback, that’s how a child learns, but I also recognise that constructive feedback needs to be balanced with positivity. A child is highly likely to interpret constructive feedback in a negative way if it’s not balanced with something positive.

A child may not be emotionally equipped to understand that the feedback their parent is giving them is to try to help them improve. It may well have a detrimental effect and they may feel that they’re simply not any good at the activity.

Let’s look closer at Johnny.

Johnny had great fun on the floor, he was energised and enjoyed the class drills. However, after hearing his parent’s comments each week Johnny’s emotions change. He no longer feel great about his efforts and believes he isn’t any good which makes him feel sad. As a result, Johnny tells his parent that he didn’t enjoy class and doesn’t want to go back.

The truth is, he did love the training sessions, but he was made to feel he couldn’t do it because of the things that were said to him.

Next time you’re providing your child with constructive feedback please think before you speak.

  • Don’t be a backseat critic, without experience.
  • Don’t just criticise.
  • Praise them for their efforts.

Remember, you are their parent to whom they look for encouragement. Their instructor, teacher, or coach will make the necessary corrections.

Finally, I would say an activity may look easy but that is not always the case as many parents have found out when they have started martial art training.

Parent coaching young girl

16th September 2022